For many, December 1st is when the Christmas season officially begins. It is the beginning of a four week party that includes lights, cookies, presents, shopping, trees, lights, family time, and much more. For me December 1st has extra special meaning; it is my birthday:) I can assure you that my 23rd birthday was one I will never forget..
On November 30th my director's Mom unexpectedly passed away due to a heart attack. A funeral in Korea starts the day a person passes away and lasts for three days. Unlike in the United States where it is very common for families to be widely spread among the entire country or even world for that matter, it would not be nearly impossible for one to get an entire family together on the day of an unexpected death. However, in Korea that is possible so the funeral starts immediately. The three day funeral is comparable to a visitation or wake- but the ceremonious process of mourning a loved one at the funeral differs greatly. All 11 foreign teachers and 6 of our Korean staff cancelled all of their previous plans for the following day (my birthday) as we were all going to attend funeral together immediately following work.
On December 1st (my birthday) the dress code was all black; formal, no bare skin (including legs), no jewelry or a lot of make-up, close toed shoes...you get the picture. Despite the depressing "look" of the office, however, my co-workers and students made the day very special. Christine teacher had gotten all my students to sign a card the day before and her kindergarten class came and personally delivered it to my classroom singing happy birthday on the way! I received presents from my students that knew it was my birthday, and teachers were sending their kids to my classroom continuously throughout the day to say or sing happy birthday to me. I didn't go more than 10 minutes without a knock on my door all day long. The school also bought me a cake! During the middle of the day they turned off all the lights and my co-workers and many students in the school sang to me and and cheered! It was a very special day.
As soon as the school day was over, the mood drastically changed. Laughter and loud talking turned to serious whispers and nervousness. The funeral was held in a special room right in the hospital. All 11 of our foreign staff plus 6 of our Korean staff went together. They tried to prepare us during the school day so we would know what to expect, but no one can ever fully prepare a person for the way in which a different culture mourns the death of a loved one. There were two rooms connected by an entry way used for shoes and jackets. We took off our shoes and one by one filed in to the room where the mourning family stood. There were large flower arrangements surrounding all sides of the room. On one wall there was a shrine for Lucy's mother including a large picture of her right in the middle of the wall. Underneath the picture was an alter table with burning incense. In front of the table was a large rug. The immediate family members all stood on one side of the room wearing traditional clothing. We took off
our shoes and walked in to the room in groups of about six. Each person had to take a flower from a basket at the door, and individually walk up and lay it on the alter table, bow, and then walk back to the edge of the rug. When we were all finally lined up along the edge of the rug we had 2 minutes of silence. After that we turned toward Lucy all together and bowed, she bowed in return, and we left the room. There was no physical contact between the guests and the family.
We proceeded to the room next door where we sat on the floor and were served a traditional Korean meal along with lots of soju (similar to vodka but with a much higher alcohol content); a traditional custom in Korea. It felt very uncomfortable to be in a room with people laughing, eating, and having a good time while the mourning family was in the room right next door. While I can't say it was a happy experience, we were very glad we went to support Lucy and it was a cultural experience I will never forget.
After we left the funeral everyone decided we all needed to go out for a drink to try and celebrate my birthday at least a little. It turned out to be a weird blessing in disguise, because for the first time all 11 of us went out together. If it had been a normal night everyone would have had other obligations and commitments. But due to the funeral all prior commitments were cancelled so we all went out together in our full black attire, and had some drinks in honor of my 23rd birthday.
On Friday of that week I was able to truly celebrate my birthday with co-workers and other friends I have met in Korea. We went in to Seoul right after work on Friday and had a fabulous night! It turned out to be one of the best birthday celebrations I have ever had. I Spent time with really great friends, new and old, and didn't get home until about 4:30 am. It was a fun night to say the least!:)
Our new Korean friend
Zeb ( a fellow gustie) came out for my birthday!!
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